One Big Can of Pureed Pumpkin

I may be alone in doing this, but when seasons change, I start convincing myself I need things I don't really need. Fuzzy boots, intensive care lotion, two pairs of rain boots, a plaid jacket, hats with matching scarves and gloves, you get the idea. This list totally spread its way into my pantry and kitchen in the form of one super huge can of pureed pumpkin. I had been hoping to make pumpkin cookies, because a super awesome patient brought in pumpkin cookies to our office, but they were so good that I knew if mine didn't come out as amazing, I'd be kind of bummed. I totally need to get the recipe. Those cookie, you don't understand, they were heaven in bite size form. Anywhozers. I made pumpkin bread. I read several recipes and the general gist, most had a lot of white sugar, so mine is a little different than what you're probably used to seeing. I also think I used more pumpkin than most recipes. Either way, it came out super delicious and moist and I came home from work tonight and I made it yesterday and only about a quarter of it is left. I only got one good picture of it though, and it's not even a good picture, and that's because I totally pulled a Varta and found a way to deep fry pumpkin pie filling after I baked the bread. I'll go in order:

Pumpkin Bread, Cake, Whatever

20 ounces canned pumpkin 

4 eggs

1 cup olive oil

1/3 cup milk

1/3 cup water

2 1/2 cups flour

1 1/2 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup white sugar

2 teaspoons baking soda

1 teaspoon baking powder

sprinkling of salt 

teaspoon-ish cinnamon

1 teaspoon-ish nutmeg

1/2 teaspoon-ish cloves

*I say -ish, because honestly, whatever crinkles your socks

- Mix all the wet ingredients together

- Stir in the sugars until everything is smooth

- Add the spices 

- Add the flour and mix until all even, stick your finger in a lick regularly to make sure it tastes as awesome as you want it to

- Pour in a cake pan, should be fairly big, it's a lot of batter

- bake at 350 degrees for 50-60 minutes, or until you can poke it with a knife and it doesn't come out with goop

If you bought a really big can of pumpkin like I did (which is like 30 ounces or so) you're going to have a very awkward amount of leftover pumpkin in the can. 

Don't take it out, instead crack an egg into it, add some sugar, spices, and flour. Mix all that goodness until even. 

Then, as per usual, take a won ton wrapper and plop and nice size helping of pumpkin pie filling on there. Only don't fold it into a won ton like usual, make a ravioli by just laying another won ton wrapper on top, sealing with water, deep fry like you (or I) would normally do. 

Yea, these babies didn't last very long at allllll. 

Cinnabon Ice Cream Awesomeness

Sooooooo, I'm going to California in a few weeks for a wedding and I totally need to get my body back in tip top shape which is only 4 pounds away but I keep doing things like this which really interfere with my mission. 

Seriously, what kind of evil genius builds a Cinnabon and a Carvel Ice Cream together? It's like those Baskin Robbins/Dunkin Donuts and the KFC/Taco Bell hybrids. Some of us are really indecisive and will order from both. And when we're feeling creative, we'll ask if they can layer it on top of each other. 

Who's a happy chunky monkey?

Vartamelon.

More S'mores

Remember the super duper big Hershey bar? Well, I'm proud to announce I'm at the "R". That's a pretty big deal. Tonight, my little endeavor kind of failed on me, but was still delicious. I had a few egg roll wrappers left and figured since I finally had a little free time I better put them to use. I also had about 1/3 of a bag of miniature marshmallows left. Do you smell what he skinny fat girl is cooking? Both of my previous s'mores related posts were ice creamy. This is of the deep fried variety. 

Putting it together. 

How funny is that??? I totally forgot that marshmallows expand when hot.

Totally started oozing out. Unfortunately, this created a very airy egg roll. But fortunately, they tasted like awesome. 

Brownies

So you know that five pound chocolate bar? Here it is compared to a normal sized Hershey bar. Massive, isn't it? Even storing it has been hard. It's been living in the microwave since we never use the microwave and it's one of the few places it will fit. Every so often I'll cut off a chunk and dip something in chocolate. 

I've been going through a cooking brain fart recently, but I think I've finally gotten back in the groove. I've got a few baking ideas in my head, however, the greasy bacon/sausage/cheesy/fried part of my brain is still slightly lost. I'm open to requests to work with! Back to the baking (I totally typo'd that originally as bacon), what does one make with an nearly endless supply of chocolate? Brownies! I love brownies. The gooey kind, not the cakey kind, but not heavy, I don't like to feel gross after eating one. Not to toot my own horn here, but I think I think I came up with the most perfect brownie recipe. What differs from most others is that I used melted chocolate and good amount of olive oil instead of regular. 

Awesome Brownies

- 1/2 stick plus a little bit more butter

- 1/2 cup olive oil

- 8 ounces chocolate 

- 4 eggs

- 1 cup sugar

- 1 cup brown sugar 

- 1 good glug of vanilla

- 1 flour 

Melt the chocolate with the butter and olive oil using the double boiler method, stir a bit to make it all smooth and pretty. 

Beat the eggs, sugar, brown sugar, and vanilla together with a fork until uniform. 

When the chocolate is cooled off enough to not cook the eggs, mix the chocolate into the eggs and mix in the flour. Box mixes always say to make sure not to over-mix the batter, so I used that advice and you probably should too. Don't over-mix the batter. 

How cool does that look?

I then baked it at 350 in a lined and greased 9 by 13 pan. I tend to like my brownies slightly undercooked. So depending on how you like them, the baking time could vary from 50 minutes (which is what I did) to an hour (I would assume). As long as a toothpick comes out clean when you poke it, I think you're in the clear. Allow to cool a little bit before cutting. 

My dad wanted a piece before I got a picture. 

I also took some with me went I went to see my brother and his boys yesterday, my nephew ate two and asked for more, and then my brother called me this morning and called them a 10. Made my day. 

Now, if the Redskins win their next game. I will be an all around happy monkey. 

Ice Cream S'mores Cake

See my lovebug in the middle? She got married just over a month ago (infamous twice worn purple dress, sssshhh) and her wedding was absolutely gorgeous and an amazing time. Great food, good music, danced until 2 am, and met some wonderful new people. After dinner, when the dancing started up again before dessert, there were servers walking around with little ice cream cones that had to have been on freshly made cones because the smell took over the ballroom, and it was a huge ballroom. 

Ever since that night I've been wanting to make something ice cream related and this week I finally got my chance. Bikini season is on its way out so I feel a little less guilty about this one. I had made ice cream s'mores in the past, but it was time to one up that little endeavor with an ice cream cake. 

Ladies and gentleman what you are looking at (from bottom to top) is graham cracker cake, ice cream, brownie, more ice cream, another graham cracker cake, and toasted marshmallow fluff. That's quite a bit to take in, I know. It also took 2 days to complete. Let me break it down for you:

- On the first night I baked the graham cracker cakes. I'm sure there are real recipes out there for this, but this genius idea came to me at 11pm and I have to wake up at 7am, so modified Betty Crocker was called for. I used a normal box of yellow cake mix, only I scooped out one cup of the dry mix and added almost 2 cups of graham cracker crumbs for the flavor and a bit over a teaspoon of baking powder to lighten things up, everything else including the baking times I went according to the directions. I also baked the brownie layer this night. I used the same cake pan for all three of these parts to ensure equal size. 

- On the second day (I woke up extra early to put it together) I spread ice cream over one of the graham cracker cake layers and the brownie layer and put them back in the freezer. I spread marshmallow fluff over the other graham cracker cake and placed it under the broiler to make it toasty. I then layered them, filled in any gaps with ice cream, smoothed the edges, and put it back in the freezer until nighttime. 

It was perfect. 

Stuffed Banana

I'm still pretty bummed I can't buy one of these:

Gizmodo

Lord knows I love stuffing one food with another food. I'd go crazy if I had one of these things and it would be delicious. But I don't, so I improvise. 

Yup, that's one ripe banana. I left the skin on while I made the tunnel so it wouldn't mush everywhere while I piped Nutella into it. 

Of course I egg rolled it. 

I am officially back in the groove.

Seriously, without me, it'd just be aweso.

More Dessert Egg Rolls

I leave for South Carolina in a few days and I've already planned some things I can't wait to make when I get back. In the meantime, many of you are aware I've taken it upon myself to use up things in the fridge. I was originally going to post up what I made for dinner which, while delicious, wasn't anything special (sauted spinach with sausage, roasted eggplant with cheese and seasoned roasted onions). Then I remembered I still had some egg roll wrappers left and a Milky Way that I put in my fridge because it melted after I forgot to bring it inside.

Sssshhh, when I go to the movies I take my own snacks.

So, let's review, quick inventory: egg roll wrappers, bananas, Nutella, peanut butter, marshmallow fluff, and a refrigerated Milky Way. Oh, and some ice cream. This is a pretty familiar path. 

Milky Way egg roll for me, banana and peanut butter egg roll for Bear, and a banana/marshmallow fluff/nutella egg roll for Sahar. 

This was taken at a friends grad party last summer. She was my vacation buddy last year but sadly can't make it this year.

I took a picture of me eating these but my eyes kept rolling and it was really unattractive. 

Thin Mint Pie

Most people buy normal quantities of Girl Scout Cookies, in my family, we buy enough to last until they start selling them again. No joke, about 30 boxes every year. That means there's a good chance when that Girl Scout comes knocking on the door I'll answer with a Samoa in my hand. There have been a lot of recipes for Samoa bars floating around on the internet but what about the other cookies? Don't they deserve some lovin' too? Tag-a-Longs are just as deserving, Thin Mints are no less delicious, and those lemon ones with the powdered sugar are for real addictive. 

Friday night I bought a tart pan for reasons I won't get into now, but it played a big part in this, I was out and about all weekend and I finally came home at 10pm on Sunday, but that was as good of a time as any to make a pie. And my brilliant plan? Crushing up Thin Mints for the crust!

Same idea as a graham cracker crust, crushed up cookies (I used a sleeve and a half for a 9 inch pie pan, it made for a thick crust) and half a stick of melted butter. I then baked it at 350 degrees for oh, 15 minutes? I have no clue, I have terrible time perception and forgot to look at the clock, so maybe it was 20? It was enough for it to all firm up. Since the cookie crumbs have the chocolate coating, don't bother trying to press the crust up the sides. The chocolate will melt and all will come down anyways.

Years ago I found a chocolate mousse recipe in a magazine and saved it in my purple cooking notebook because I do dorky things like that. It's pretty basic, but it's light, delicious, and gets the job done. I chose that as my filling. Use whatever chocolate mousse rocks your socks. 

I probably should have doubled the mousse for the pie (for reference, my mousse was based on 4 eggs and 4 ounces of chocolate, and I felt the mousse layer was a tad thin). Since by this point it was almost 11pm, I wasn't about to stay up for the final product, I let it chill in the fridge overnight and woke up to chocolate lovers dream. 

White Chocolate Strawberry Egg Rolls

This behavior really needs to stop. I'm going to the beach in two weeks and I don't plan on taking much more than sundresses and bikinis with me.

So the fact I'll fill egg roll wrappers (same basic story as the won ton wrapper) with white chocolate chips and strawberries and eat them with ice cream is creating a personal conflict of interest. 

Strawberry Banana Cobbler

On my quest to clean up the fridge I stumbled upon 2 eggs chilling in an 18 egg carton, 2 half sticks of butter, and some strawberries that no one was going to eat on their own anymore. Hmmm... glance over at fruit basket. Bananas. Strawberry Banana....??? Another awesome combination. I've also been wanting to make a cobbler for a while since I've never made one before and this blog is starting to become an excuse to make new things. I read a bunch of different recipes and came up with what I think is a pretty generic cobbler topping. I would say the only thing that stands out from mine is that I used more butter (go figure) than all those that I read and I added vanilla. I also forgot to measure stuff, I need to work on getting better at that. 

Anyways, I now present to you: Strawberry Banana Cobbler

Fruit Layer

I shouldn't even bother writing this part out, but here it goes anyway: a bowls worth of slightly wrinkly strawberries and two bananas, all sliced and mixed together with a few spoons of sugar and a few spoons of flour to keep it from all getting super soggy

Cobbler Topping

1 cup flour (the one thing I remember to measure)

1 stick of butter, cut into little pieces 

couple spoons of sugar 

a teaspoon-ish of baking power

a blob of milk (I used skim, don't think it matters, my guess it was around a 1/4 cup)

one egg (ugh still have one lingering in the fridge!)

a plop of vanilla 

Butter a baking dish really well and pour in the fruit mixture evenly. Mix all the cobbler topping ingredients together to make a dough, it will be very sticky. Place the dough in chunks over the fruit filling and bake at 350 until the golden, about 30 minutes.

Sooooooooooo yummy, just make sure to save some for your big brother so when he comes over he doesn't complain that he never gets to eat the stuff you're making and posting on your blog.  

Raspberry Peach Bars

The most common question I'm being asked is if I actually eat the things I make. The answer is, I do, and I love it. Then I'm usually asked how am I not huge, and the answer is simple, I work out and I don't eat like this ALL the time. For example, the day I made and ate the Tower of Love burger (also know as the Heart Attack Sandwich), I pretty much ate grapes and strawberries all day. You know, prep the body for what it was about to take in later. As for working out, I'm a monster in spandex at least 4 days a week, one of which is spent in Zumba. Don't know what Zumba is? The most fun you will ever have Latin dancing and booty popping with pelvic thrusts thrown in. Tower of Love was also eaten on Zumba day. 

Ok, so that was taken at my friends birthday party, but you get the general Zumba idea.

As for how I eat regularly, I would say I'm a pretty healthy eater. My hardest habit to break is sugar. I have a massive sweet tooth, so I'm constantly trying to come up with ways to feed my sugar addiction (or curb it? hm...) without feeling too guilty about it. Fruit based treats are always a good place to start when trying to come up with something that won't make a person feel bad about eating it later, throw in some oats for some added fiber and you're good to go. I like the idea of fruit bars because they're such an easy way to use up fruit that may have been sitting in your fridge for too long. I had some raspberries and peaches that had both gotten pretty mushy and I used those as the fruit layer. The crust and topping are very basic, so this recipe is very flexible, use what you want/have and enjoy!

Raspberry Peach Bars

-2 cups flour

-1 cup brown sugar

-1/2 teaspoon baking soda

-2 sticks of butter (I started with a stick and worked my up to two, I suggest doing the same so that as you mix you get a feel for the consistency you want, just make sure it's cold)

-1 and 1/2 cups oats (I used the kind you can microwave, I don't think it makes a difference at all, I know some people are super anti-instant oatmeal, but dude, get over it)

-2 cups or more fruit, depending on how thin or thick you want the fruit layer to be (I used a mix of raspberries and peaches, feel free to switch it up and be creative!)

Line a 9 x 13 baking pan with wax paper, or butter the bejeepers out of it. In a bowl mix together, the flour, brown sugar, oats, and baking soda. Cut the butter into little chunks and mix into the dry ingredients with your hands to make a crumbly mixture, continue to add butter until the mixture sticks together but still crumbles. This is not a cookie dough by any means. Press about half or more of the mixture into the baking tray. I wanted a thicker crust and a thinner topping, so I would say I pressed about two thirds of the mix into the tray and reserved one third for topping. 

Mix together you fruit filling. Mine was super juicy so I threw in a couple spoons of flour (I'm assuming cornstarch would do the same trick) to keep it from making everything soggy. Layer it evenly on top of the crust and cover with the remaining crust mixture. Bake in the oven at 350 degrees for about half an hour or until it starts to brown on the edges. 

See, brown edges.

Let it cool before you start cutting it, it's very flimsy when hot but firms and really keeps together as it cools. 

I'd love to hear what fruit combo's everyone comes up with! 

Ice Cream S'mores

I have several obsessions: my nephews, my gym, Nintendo, my frying pan, bacon cheeseburgers, Barbies, ice cream on skinny days, frozen yogurt on fat days, and S'mores. I'm sure there are more things but that last one I mentioned is the relevant one for this post. Ice cream and S'mores, awesome on their own, they have to be even more awesome together, right? YUP! 

One of the greatest creations, I must say, are those silicone baking trays. I have a square one that I used to make a giant marshmallow once. I also have a silicone cupcake baking tray and I used it to make the chocolate cups for these ice cream s'mores. They popped right out. I used just plain chocolate chips melted on a double boiler. If you plan on making this, and have a not so steady hand like I do, and fear you can't make thin cups, add some heavy cream and have it be a ganache. That way when you bite into the cup, you'll actually be able to. I used just the plain melted chocolate but made the cups a tad too thick and they were, how do I put this nicely as to not insult myself? Hearty, let's go with that. They were hearty. 

Once the cups were cooled, I layered broken up graham crackers, vanilla ice cream (clearly, a skinny day), more broken up graham crackers, and then a top layer of chocolate. Back to the freezer they went to firm up and not even an hour later, look at what I had! An awesome midnight snack. 

Clafoutis

I have a good friend, Chris, who in my opinion, has the most classic French story ever. A few years ago, Chris went to France and walked into a bakery asking for a chocolate croissant. After seeing it in the bakery window he asked, in French, for a chocolate croissant, only to have the Frenchman tell him that there is no such thing as a chocolate croissant. So Chris asked what he called that, pointing to the chocolate croissant, and the Frenchman told him, 

"pain de chocolat"

Bread of chocolate. For real. Bread of chocolate. 

AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Anyways, that's what I think of every time I hear French or anything French related. So when I decided I was finally going to make a cherry clafoutis, even though I had never even had one before to know what it should come out like, I had to hold back giggles in my head. Bread of chocolate. Oh, France. 

So a clafoutis is basically what happened a long, long, time ago when a French lady wanted to make a cake but didn't have enough flour. Then, she decided to make a custard but realized she didn't have enough eggs for that either, so she made a half cake/half custard. I totally made that up, but it sounds plausible. 

Cherry Clafoutis

2 cups pitted and cut in half cherries (although any fruit would work)

3/4 cup flour

a teeny bit of salt

3 eggs

1/2 cup sugar 

plop of vanilla

1 and 1/4 cup milk

a smidge of baking powder (this wasn't in any of the recipes I read that I used to put mine together, but I read a lot of people that had theirs come out very dense and I feel this helped keep it light) 

Butter a baking dish and place the cherries evenly in the dish (don't worry about which side is up or down, it all will float when you pour the batter). Mix everything else together (it will be thinner than pancake batter, so don't be worried if it seems kind of runny) and pour on top of the cherries. Bake at 350 degrees for about 40 minutes (edit: my friend made this as well and hers was done after 20 minutes, so make sure to check on it frequently, when you move and it stops jiggling, it's done), it will poof a little in the oven and deflate ever so slightly as it cools. Served warm, it's amazing with ice cream. My nephews ate it plain and loved it. 

Doughnut Bread Pudding.

This was my last post on Epic Portions, and I like to think I went out with a bang. This dessert was dangerously easy to make and delicious. 

Paula Dean and I are soul mates. She fries things, I fry things.   She loves bacon, I buy it in bulk.   She has a southern accent, I can fake a southern accent really well.   However, when she introduced the world to Krispy Kreme bread pudding, she lost me a little. Why? One wrinkly little word: raisins.  I hate them, can’t stand them, pick them out of muffins and carrot cake, truly can’t stand the little buggers. Her recipe also calls for canned fruit. Omg, what the fart monkey. Whatever, back to me.   Safeway had doughnuts on sale, so what better time to make doughnut bread pudding? I followed my original bread pudding recipe, using cream, milk, eggs, coconut, vanilla, and white and dark chocolate. New to the mix were the doughnuts, replacing the usual challah bread, banana/chocolate cream, and sliced bananas. The beauty of bread pudding is that you can be so creative with it and it’s a great way to use up little things left over, for example the two half eaten bananas I had in my fridge. Such an an breezy dessert or snack.   Just make sure to let the mixture soak up the liquid, otherwise you’ll end up with a crunchy, dry, crouton bread pudding.

Ingredients, minus the heavy cream and milk.

11 and a half doughnuts cut up. Yes, I ate some.

Mix all the wet ingredients together and pour on top of the doughnuts and add chocolate chips, but not too much chocolate, it's not the main focus of the dish. You also want to make sure you have enough liquid to soak all the doughnuts, don't be scared to add extra milk.

Bake until golden, it will still be kind of mushy but firm up slightly when it begins to cool.

Yummy!